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That Haunted Feeling

I just hate when I have a dream that haunts me all day long.  Of course there were a few things that brought on the odd dream, but I’ll go into that in a minute.  First, the description of the dream…

It was an odd, futuristic reality.  One in which our dimension was over-run with spirits that wanted to cause chaos among the living.  These spirits were to blame for people tripping, careless spills, and other minor accidents.  It was their job to cause confusion and messes, and they found it hilarious!  They were invisible most of the time.  There were only 2 things that could show us their existence was real.  The first was when something got spilled on them like dirt or flour we would be able to see their form.  Some were small with big ears, like gremlins.  Some were large like ogres.  And there was every shape and size in between.  And the second way was when they decided to physically control a person.  The eyes of the person would flash a silvery grey reflective appearance, they would make deep grunting sound, and then the person would act weird for a while.  This reality was something none of us appreciated or liked, but it was common and therefore dealt with.

human eye, blueIt was a nice summer day, clear sky, the sun shining and the grass lush and green.  Me, Sean, and a few other people were hanging out on a public lawn – the courtyard between a couple of buildings.  People walking by were tripping periodically, and making strange grunting noises.  One spirit was particularly feisty and decided to pick on Sean the most.  Sean would grab ahold of one of the people in our little group and twist a finger… or knock them over… or hug and squeeze too hard and cause a little pain.  But then it escalated.  Then Sean was running after other people kicking at them, and swinging at them.  I was hollering for him to stop, but he couldn’t, he wasn’t the one in control of his actions.  The spirit was more visible than usual and I could see the grey, cloudy aura around Sean’s body, as it danced and flailed about.  Then, out of nowhere, Sean ran at full speed toward the nearby busy street.  Just as it appeared that he was about to get hit by a large white delivery truck, I turned my head, not wanting to see the disaster.  I thought maybe my depth perception was off a bit, or the spirit made him stop just short of getting hit to cause panic.  But when I looked back, he was laying flat in the middle of the street, not moving.  I got up, walked to the street but was about a block away from his body, watching.  Paramedics arrived and where picking him up and onto a gurney.  There were no tears, I was numb.  All I could think is “here we go again.”

And then I forced myself to wake up (early this morning).  I opened my eyes and heard Sean breathing next to me.  Relief.  But the sinking feeling of a tragedy has stuck with me all day.  Every so often I get caught off guard with that same gut-wrenching feeling of losing a loved one.  Thank goodness it was just a dream.

After going over it a few times in my head, I’m sure I know the puzzle pieces that made that dream:  I have been noticing how similar Sean is to my late fiance Jason – down to hygiene habits, mannerisms, and attitude.  I never noticed it quite so much before, but has become more apparent lately.  So of course that comparison brings up some insecurities in mortality for me…  and of course the fear of losing him, the fear of that pain, and of having to experience it for a 2nd time.

And over the past couple of days I have been watching some 3-minutes horror movies that were entered into a horror challenge on YouTube.  I was talking to my boys last night about how I wanted to make one too, but I have absolutely zero experience in film editing, makeup, or anything.  And I was trying to figure out what my story could be that would be at least somewhat original.

Wrap up those horror movies, my insecurities, my past, and a few of my past dreams about interference by spirits, and it comes out to be the dream I had.  Analyzing it and solving that puzzle doesn’t make it disturb me any less though.  I just hope I can sleep peacefully tonight and wake up tomorrow out of this haunted feeling.

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