Divorce, breaking up, and loss to death. They all have one thing in common: losing a friend. Being a lover, they were more than just a friend. But it’s the loss of the friendship that hurts the most. That one person who you’ve told all your secrets, all your day-to-day thoughts, all your triumphs and losses. And suddenly you don’t have that person to talk to anymore. That person who knows you so well, inside and out. The one who’s been by your side through so much, usually years of work, family, and personal issues. And then you’re just without them.
What’s a person to do at that point? If it’s someone you have broken up with or divorced, especially if it’s someone you still see regularly due to kids or living in the same area as one another, it’s a struggle at times. You fight the urge to reach out and discuss things like you used to, or maybe even just hang out. And it’s not even that you want to be with that person again. You just miss the friendship, the discussions, and the understanding in that certain way you had been accustomed to during the entirety of your previous relationship. It them becomes replaced with awkwardness, the cold chill of distance, and sometimes even resentment. Time makes the distance grow greater, until one day you realize you don’t really know each other at all anymore. That person who used to be your other half becomes a stranger.
If it’s someone you’ve lost to death, you don’t have the option to even see their face anymore. You’re left with nothing but emptiness. The mirage of their face appears on strangers. And you long for the presence of their warmth next to you in bed at night. You may find yourself sitting in their spot on the couch, or smelling the scent of their pillow just to feel like they are with you again. The temptation of calling them to chat isn’t there anymore, and you find yourself writing them letters or shouting to the sky.
If you’re lucky, once you’ve healed a bit you will find someone willing to help pick up some pieces and rebuild you. Someone who may even love you even though you’re broken. But ultimately, you have to learn to love yourself again. Don’t blame yourself for that loss. Don’t hold on to resentment, or fear, or grief. Just pick up and move on. And make the best of your life from that moment forward. Learn to embrace the change, and look forward to the future. It may not have been the future you once envisioned, but it will be whatever you make of it. Make it the best!