Education day for my gastric sleeve procedure was very informative. I learned everything I could know about the entire procedure. Also, it was very overwhelming.
I will be so limited on the foods I can eat for the first couple of months, and then forever honestly. My stomach will be reduced to the size of my two thumbs, and I won’t be able to drink when I eat in fear of increasing the size of that. I can’t eat foods that expand like bread, pasta or rice. I can’t eat foods that have any sort of fiber to them, like oranges or celery. I can’t eat foods that have seeds or peels like apples, grapes or strawberries. Some of my very favorite flavors are going to be off limits, and that really bothers me.
On Friday I had a breakdown over it. Asking myself do I really need this surgery? I’ve lost 21 pounds on my own already, I’m sure I can lose more if I just buckle down and stick with it. Am I just too lazy to put the work in? Is my will power not strong enough to eat the way I should and avoid junk and overeating?
On the other hand, having this surgery will give me the upper hand over my own mind and eating habits. Once I’m completely healed, I can have whatever I want. It will be up to me to decide if it’s the right thing or not. Having most of my stomach removed is only a tool. There have been people that have gone right back to eating and drinking whatever they wanted. It’s not like I physically can’t eat those things I want. It’s my choice. The surgery just gives me a fresh start to my eating habits. It will be a constant reminder that I shouldn’t eat that junk. Or I shouldn’t be able to gorge on 1/2 an entire pizza. Or I shouldn’t drink that soda or alcohol.
It will be a long recovery I believe, months of liquids and purees. But I honestly think it’s for the best. I will be able to lose this weight I’ve been carrying around for 15 years, and finally feel like myself again. I’ll be able to wear the clothes I like. I’ll be able to ride bikes with the kids. I’ll be able to start jogging if I so choose. I’ll be able to ride the rides at Adventureland again without feeling like the supports won’t hold me. I’ll be able to do Yoga and other exercises without feeling like an exercising elephant. I’ll be able to feel better naked, and enjoy sex that much more.
And after 18 months I’ll qualify to start getting excess skin removed. First I’ll get a tummy tuck to remove everything my pregnancies stretched out. And then I’ll qualify for a breast reduction and lift. It’s not easy having a cup size I can’t find proper bras for. And those two surgeries will make so much difference!!! I’ll finally be able to buy nice bras again as well. Instead of settling for sports bras or giant old lady bras. And I’ll be able to lay on my back comfortably without being strangled. Then, depending on if it’s an issue or not, I’ll get skin removal in other areas. But I’m hoping if I get into a high-impact exercise routine (once my body can handle it), I won’t need as much skin removal. I’d like to see my tone just tighten it up without surgery.
So that is how my mind is working, and what my goals are with this surgery. I wanted to write everything out so that when I feel like I’m losing hope, or wondering why I went through with the whole thing to begin with, I can come back to this and remember what I did it all for. Surgery will be toward the end of July. I’ll update with a date and my thoughts leading closer to the date.