If you’re going to read this, please read all the way through. It is not a sob story, nor is it a vent or bashing.
Yesterday was rough. My marriage ended…my husband walked away. I was in shock, deeply saddened, and angry most of the day. And then I slept on it.
Today I was okay. And as the day went on, it got better. I started thinking about all the things that had been going wrong throughout all of our history together (over 4 years). All of the issues we had, and how hard and stressful life had become trying to force things to work out. I am a stubborn person, and marriage is suppose to equal permanence, in my eyes. But I’m glad Sean walked away….
I have no regrets. Sean inspired me to do a lot for myself. I started out doing the things to make our relationship work, but it ended up making me grow and change to be a person I am proud to be. First, I got therapy for my anxiety, grief and commitment issues. Since I really wanted it to help me, I immersed myself in it, putting total trust into my therapist. And it worked wonders!
Next, I got a job for the first time in over 10 years. It was just a part time job cleaning kennels on weekends, but it helped me adjust to working outside of the home. After a time, it turned into helping the DVM on Saturdays. And when that went well, I started working during the week some, which led to the full-time veterinary assistant position that I have today. Before I started working there, I had crippling social anxiety. And now I greet clients with a smile on my face without a second thought. Sure I still have days where I want to hide from the world. But I know I’m not alone in that.
Once I got therapy and got a job, I started finding other things I wanted to change about myself or things to accomplish. My jealousy under control – check. An addiction conquered – check. My health issues – check. Taking the family to finally experience the ocean – check. My weight – in progress now. Plenty more to come.
I wasn’t happy with myself a few years ago. I really never had been. But the last few years have been a HUGE period of growth for me. And it all started because I wanted to make Sean happy. Even though in the long run it didn’t turn out for our relationship, I am still thankful to have been pushed to grow, and to succeed. And honestly, I feel closer with my kids from the experience as well.
I am thankful for receiving the push I needed to get started on quite the renovation of sorts, and for the end of that relationship.
And thank you to all of my friends that stepped up and chatted with me, encouraged me, helped me, and continue to do so. You are amazing, and I couldn’t ask for better friends. I wish some of you lived closer, and those of you who do, let’s get together and have a game night, or go out, or do something fun! I need to rediscover the fun in life again! 🙂