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Breaking My Silence

Its been almost two months since I’ve posted anything here, and I feel its time to break my blogging silence.  I had previously posted a few things about the changes in my personal life, but due to the very personal nature, they were removed.  But since the chaos is settling now, here goes the explanation.

In June, at a seemingly very random time, and quite unexpectedly, my husband Sean left me and my boys.  He had an apartment arranged for himself, had the deposit paid and the keys in his possession when he dropped the news.  I was extremely upset at the time, and wanted to do everything I could to make things work out anyway.  I tried to make him see that even through our problems, we could fix it, and that walking away wasn’t the answer in a marriage.  But through all the pleading and reasoning, there was no changing his mind.

For a 2-3 weeks, I continued to try.  He and I went on a few dates, and they went well, though I felt quite distant from him.  And even though things went well during our short times together, it was never with my kiddos.  You see, he and my boys didn’t get along well at all during the year and 9 months we were married and living together.  Not at all.  It was like a constant war.   I always felt like I had to play referee, and my children started feeling unsafe and unhappy in their own home.  Sean felt neglected and unloved by me because I felt like I was being pulled in the way of my children, and in the way of him… and of course my kids were winning (like there was ever a doubt).  It honestly wasn’t that simple, but to keep from going on and on about it, I’ll just leave it at that.  So all those negative feelings in the house, and all the stress it was causing on everyone involved, was a gigantic strain on our marriage.  And he’d had enough and left.

Now that its been a few months and I have some distance from the situation and have had time to think things over, I know that Sean leaving was a very good thing for us all. I believe I was honestly more upset at the idea of being twice divorced than I was at the idea of losing Sean.  We were far too unhappy to continue on.  The split probably should have happened a LOT sooner, if we even should have been married at all.  The family life and step-parenting did not suit Sean, at least not with my family.  And his frustration with that situation made him a very angry person pretty much all the time.  It made us all angry.  And so we now have a divorce pending.

Now that he’s been gone for almost 3 months, my boys are thriving once again.  They are laughing and enjoying life again (as much as teens and pre-teens can), and are free to be themselves.  I have also found happiness again.  A guy that I dated for a while when I was a teenager, Jake, has come back into my life, and he and his son are probly the best thing that’s ever happened to me and my boys.  Yes, it may seem too soon to some, but we are all happy and that’s all that matters.  I’m not looking for opinions or judgments on that.

So that’s the update.  Its a very long and complicated story made short, but that’s where we are now.  Jake and I are considering moving away together as one big happy family next year sometime.  I don’t know where yet, or when exactly, but its under consideration.  It’d be great to be able to get out of here like I’ve always wanted to.  But I guess only time will tell what the future holds.  I just know its looking bright.  😎

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