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Drama!

So I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year, and started seeing someone else.  I’ve gotten quite a lot of backlash, and to be honest, all those people who wanna be jerks about my decision to do that can go to hell.

The relationship I was in for this past year was never meant to be.  When I was left by my husband last summer, I sought the companionship of an old friend.  I needed someone to talk to about it all, and someone to keep be busy and distract me from the mourning of my lost marriage.  I never wanted it to be anything more than that, and in my fragile and heartbroken state, he sortof pushed his way into a relationship with me.  I coasted into it without much thought and rode it out.  It didn’t take long for it to be emotionally and psychologically abusive.  He started by pushing my closest friends away, though they just stayed away from him not me, it still made it harder for me to spend time with them.  He would throw a fit every time I wanted to spend time with them and not him.  Then he started terrorizing my family by throwing all-out rage fits.  Throwing things, breaking things, kicking our belongings around the house.  In January he left, but I was so lost at that point in my life that we got back together.  He had me under his control at that point, and I didn’t know how to break my cycle of wanting to be with him, but knowing I deserved better.  He continued to pick fights with me, and I would plead with him to just tell me what I needed to do to make him happy, how to appease his mood swings.  He would tell me ideas to cope with it, I would try them the next time, and it would set him off worse.  He ended up alienating my children from me in my own home, my sister entirely by threatening her physically, and was in the process of pushing my mom away as well.  I still tried hard to make him happy, to ease his chronic anger, to make him see we could live a happy peaceful life if he’d just calm down.  But it was all for nothing.  The breaking point was my recent extreme paranoia in public when I would talk to people he didn’t like me talking to.  And knowing my kids deserved better, and deserved to see me happy.  I knew then I was in a very bad state and it must end.  So I pulled the plug, knowing it would result in a BIG blow up on his end.  I did my best to stay away while he packed his stuff and moved out of my home.  But even up through today, he chooses to continue to send me threatening and insulting text messages and emails.

And now I’m dealing with severe criticism from anonymous people and not-so-anonymous people.  Saying I shouldn’t man-hop, and I should be comfortable being alone.  But here’s the deal: I am NOT afraid to be alone.  I’m quite self-sufficient as a matter of fact.  I am comfortable in my own solitary presence, comfortable in my own skin, and quite confident in my ability to provide for my family in every way they need it.  Being happy with myself is not something I lack.

In terms of the someone new: again people want to judge without knowing the story.  But I’ll save that one for another post, because he’s not even in the same category as my recent breakup, or anyone else from my past.  He deserves his own space to be bragged about, because he’s something amazing.  He’d have to be, after the HELL I’ve been through, to be able to truly capture my heart the way he has….

 

(Comments have been disabled for this post.  I’m tired of the bullshit.  Read it, but unless you have something positive or supportive to add, I don’t wanna hear anything at all.)