Finding A Home

I just woke up from a dream set in a very realistic post-apocalyptic future. There was no electricity, and only dirty running water. Sean, the boys, Penny and I were trying to find our place, or what to do. We came across these people by accident that had quite a few baby cows. We were hiding in their barn when a guy came to check on them, and he didn’t sound very happy that there were signs of people having been there. But when he saw us, he ended up taking us back to his camp/home. They put Sean to work right away, so he was away and busy. I don’t know exactly what the boys were doing, but they had jobs. And then I informed them I wanted to work with animals, since that was my area of interest “before.” I was sent to do dishes and serve children food. Then a young, thin, attractive guy came up to me expressing interest. He was sitting close, and then grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. No one seemed to pay attention at all even though we were in a room full of people, so I kissed him back. I assumed this was a move to populate our species again. I didn’t want to tell them I was unable to conceive, because I didn’t want to be deemed useless to the group. So I was considering hiding the information entirely. In the meantime I was continuing to be a housewife type. Penny was getting along with the other animals. But the entire place was dirty, like an old farmhouse with no way of cleaning it. Dirt floors or at least very dirty. Dirty furniture.  But somehow I felt safe, like everything was going to be okay.

Hiding Something

Usually when I dream about something, I can figure out the meaning behind it, and I can figure out how it applies to my life and what I can do to improve the situation.  This one was deeply disturbing:

Sean, the kids and I are all at the house I’ve been working so hard at fixing up.  Only this time, it doesn’t seem so fixed.  The room I’m in is dirty like no one has been there for a while.  And the staircase to the basement that I had previously fixed up is in dirty shambles again, as it had been before any work had been done.  It used to be a dank and dusty old

Hallway closely resembling the one in my dream

basement, with relics from my grandparents’ past.  Old furniture, decorations, clothing, boxes of belongings, and even some angry ghosts of the past.  When work had been done to fix it all up, those things had been sorted and cleaned.  I kept what was still useful and set up the basement as a livable area.

But tonight it’s different.  All is the way it was before any renovations. And not only are there dirty walls and old items laying about, but when I look down the basement hallways to see the lack of progress, I saw an angry shadow skitter across the hall.  “Oh HELL no!” I yelled, and ran back to snuggle up under Sean’s arm.  Those shadows are haunting to

the core, and I want nothing to do with them.  I know the kids are asleep in an area that is equally unsafe, but they are asleep and unaware.  As uneasy as it makes me, I let them stay asleep.

The next thing I know I’m helping Sean hide a dead body.  We’ve been moving it around from place to place for a while.  I don’t know who it is, or why he’s dead, or why Sean is trying to hide it, but I help him.  I know that it’s been long enough now that if I were to report it, I would be in trouble for being an accomplice, though I had nothing to do with the circumstances of the death.  I don’t want any part in the situation, but it’s gone on too long to just walk away without repercussions.  It’s a very trapped and guilty feeling taking part in such activities, and I just want to escape.

I don’t know why my dreams are so dark and heavy lately.  It’s been a continuing situation every night since then, for about 4 nights in a row.  Maybe it’s just my cold virus and cold meds I’m taking that are affecting my dreams, or maybe it’s just the frustration of being stuck in the same routine day after day.  Hopefully our upcoming vacation will break up the dullness and bring some happiness back for us all.

**DISCLAIMER** Events in the dream are NOT real life events.

That Haunted Feeling

I just hate when I have a dream that haunts me all day long.  Of course there were a few things that brought on the odd dream, but I’ll go into that in a minute.  First, the description of the dream…

It was an odd, futuristic reality.  One in which our dimension was over-run with spirits that wanted to cause chaos among the living.  These spirits were to blame for people tripping, careless spills, and other minor accidents.  It was their job to cause confusion and messes, and they found it hilarious!  They were invisible most of the time.  There were only 2 things that could show us their existence was real.  The first was when something got spilled on them like dirt or flour we would be able to see their form.  Some were small with big ears, like gremlins.  Some were large like ogres.  And there was every shape and size in between.  And the second way was when they decided to physically control a person.  The eyes of the person would flash a silvery grey reflective appearance, they would make deep grunting sound, and then the person would act weird for a while.  This reality was something none of us appreciated or liked, but it was common and therefore dealt with.

human eye, blueIt was a nice summer day, clear sky, the sun shining and the grass lush and green.  Me, Sean, and a few other people were hanging out on a public lawn – the courtyard between a couple of buildings.  People walking by were tripping periodically, and making strange grunting noises.  One spirit was particularly feisty and decided to pick on Sean the most.  Sean would grab ahold of one of the people in our little group and twist a finger… or knock them over… or hug and squeeze too hard and cause a little pain.  But then it escalated.  Then Sean was running after other people kicking at them, and swinging at them.  I was hollering for him to stop, but he couldn’t, he wasn’t the one in control of his actions.  The spirit was more visible than usual and I could see the grey, cloudy aura around Sean’s body, as it danced and flailed about.  Then, out of nowhere, Sean ran at full speed toward the nearby busy street.  Just as it appeared that he was about to get hit by a large white delivery truck, I turned my head, not wanting to see the disaster.  I thought maybe my depth perception was off a bit, or the spirit made him stop just short of getting hit to cause panic.  But when I looked back, he was laying flat in the middle of the street, not moving.  I got up, walked to the street but was about a block away from his body, watching.  Paramedics arrived and where picking him up and onto a gurney.  There were no tears, I was numb.  All I could think is “here we go again.”

And then I forced myself to wake up (early this morning).  I opened my eyes and heard Sean breathing next to me.  Relief.  But the sinking feeling of a tragedy has stuck with me all day.  Every so often I get caught off guard with that same gut-wrenching feeling of losing a loved one.  Thank goodness it was just a dream.

After going over it a few times in my head, I’m sure I know the puzzle pieces that made that dream:  I have been noticing how similar Sean is to my late fiance Jason – down to hygiene habits, mannerisms, and attitude.  I never noticed it quite so much before, but has become more apparent lately.  So of course that comparison brings up some insecurities in mortality for me…  and of course the fear of losing him, the fear of that pain, and of having to experience it for a 2nd time.

And over the past couple of days I have been watching some 3-minutes horror movies that were entered into a horror challenge on YouTube.  I was talking to my boys last night about how I wanted to make one too, but I have absolutely zero experience in film editing, makeup, or anything.  And I was trying to figure out what my story could be that would be at least somewhat original.

Wrap up those horror movies, my insecurities, my past, and a few of my past dreams about interference by spirits, and it comes out to be the dream I had.  Analyzing it and solving that puzzle doesn’t make it disturb me any less though.  I just hope I can sleep peacefully tonight and wake up tomorrow out of this haunted feeling.