Due to generally being too busy to sit down and type and edit for extended periods of time, and other family stuff, I’ve decided to take a break from blogging for a while. It may be a couple weeks, it may be a couple months, it may be more. I won’t take the site down or anything of that sort. I just won’t be updating for a while.
“…And I know that one day,
You will let me in.
And we will begin to love in a fashion I couldn’t fathom existed.
And we will laugh at the fact that we ever resisted this blissful togetherness.
And the sex?
Well, it’ll be off the charts.
‘Cause we’ll both be
But we’ll be fucking
From the heart.
‘Cause our loving will be something where the
Whole is much greater than the sum of the parts
‘Cause we’re artists, after all,
So what else would fate have us make besides art?
And I know that outside of this space time frame, we are one and the same
We’re a part, not apart
So I know that I can wait patiently for it to start…”
An excerpt from “I Know This” by Rachel Kann
It has been two whole months. Two months since my husband and I tied the knot after being together for only 8 days. And two months since I had my final weight loss related surgery.
I couldn’t possibly ask for a better husband and example of a real man for my boys. I knew immediately when we confessed our feelings to each other that he would be my forever, and that feeling has only gotten stronger every single day since then. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had! We lay awake at night and talk about everything. We intend often to watch TV or a movie, get housework done together, or take care of other errands, and often it gets put on the back burner to our conversations, or the conversations continue through it all. We are attached at the hip and prefer to do anything we need to do, together. We even prefer to work the same shifts together at work, just to be in each other’s presence. We understand and are comfortable with each other on the deepest level. I’ve honestly never felt anything like this before, and it’s the best! He is wonderful with my kids, and they become more and more open to him each day. His kids are pretty awesome as well, and I love how our family is blending. Jarrod is my heart, my soul, my life. This is my forever, and I couldn’t be happier or more content.
As far as my surgical recovery and body image goes, I’m quite satisfied now! I started my weight loss journey in January of 2016 at 270 pounds. Around summer of 2016 I had already lost enough weight to disqualify myself from bariatric weight loss surgery by getting down to around 230 pounds. I had changed my lifestyle enough to take off the weight myself, by eating less fat and carbs, more protein, and cutting out sugary soda. Then once I reached about 225 pounds I qualified for skin removal surgery, and got approved for my Panniculectomy (tummy tuck) in March 2017, which is when it was done. I wasn’t satisfied with the results as it healed because I still had quite a bit of sag, my bellybutton was off-center, and a couple other details I was dissatisfied with. So when I had my breast reduction and lift on September 1st, I was able to get my tummy tuck revised. Now it’s been two months since I had that last surgery, and though nothing is perfect, I am VERY satisfied with my results. I am now hovering right around 200 pounds, and still want to lose about 15. I haven’t had the willpower to just buckle down and take off that last 15 yet, but I know I will and am not too concerned with it anyway. I’m happy with the way I look now, with the way my clothes fit, and with my appearance in the mirror, naked. Really, I feel I just need to tone up now. I’m very proud of myself for having come this far without bariatric surgery. And I plan to continue this healthier lifestyle forever. I NEVER want to gain that weight back. I have so much less body ache and pain now, I am more flexible and don’t lose my breath going up and down stairs, I have more stamina and am all around a much happier person. I love it!
Two months since my life made some permanent changes for the better. I am so happy to have had these opportunities come to me, and to have been able to grab ahold of them. I am so happy with my life!
This blog post is all over the place. I haven’t been able to organize my thoughts very well, so I’m just going to type, and what comes out, comes out….
For a long time now I’ve wanted to write a blog post about my opinions on the whole gender issue that has taken society by storm over the past decade or so. My opinions on it are not widely accepted in the circles I consider myself a part of, so I’ve kept my opinions and views mostly to myself to spare friendships. Furthermore, I’ve always prided myself on being a very open and accepting person to all walks of life in general. I accept all races, nationalities, backgrounds, religions, lifestyles, economic statuses, and so on. But this has me rethinking how I view myself, as much as others. It’s been a struggle for me because I’ve tried so very hard to change my thinking, to adjust and come to terms with a few things, societal changes. But the more it’s shoved in my face, the less okay I seem to be with it all.
I think, besides a few rare cases, gender IS determined at birth, by biology and anatomy. I cannot generalize every single being, because intersex individuals exist… and the occasional truly transgender person does occur. But this whole millennial (and younger) generation thinks they are all a different gender than the sex into which they were born, and come up with dozens of words for every variation for their sexuality. And I think it’s ridiculous and has gotten completely out of hand. Where is the line?
Some may say since I’m a straight female (with bi-curiosity), I have it easy. I accepted my sex as my gender and therefore I could not possibly understand the struggle of those who don’t accept their own bodies. I can not argue with that, because it’s true. All of it. But I am also entitled to my opinions and views on the trend – because that’s EXACTLY what it is. A trend. A societal trend.
What brought on my views and opinions, you ask? Well, to be honest I’m not sure. In high school I briefly dated a guy that began living his life as a woman not long after high school. I accept her as a woman, and have no issue with that. I know someone else who identifies as a man but cross-dresses, and I’m cool with him entirely….
But then, I have another person quite close to me that was born and raised as a girl, but has decided to request being called male in the last couple years. Perhaps it would be easier for me to accept that if they lived as a male in any way whatsoever. But they don’t. They still dress as a female, live life as a female, have typically female interests and attributes. So I still use she/her and her birth-given name, much to her dissatisfaction and frustration. Defending herself, she says she doesn’t feel identifying as a male should dictate her clothing style or characteristics… that she can be a boy and still appear to be, and act female… and still demand to be called a boy. And to be honest that makes absolutely no sense to me. How can she legitimately expect to be referred to and seen as a male when she does not put off a male vibe to anyone at all? To me, it feels like she is making a mockery of the whole LGBT community, specifically the transgender part. Most of the trans people I have come in contact with will live life as the gender they feel they are. Since when did it become acceptable to just claim a gender and run with it, regardless of other behavior? It is absolutely absurd to me. Also, it is creating a lot of unnecessary confusion and controversy. Where is the line where this is considered a mental illness? Why is this newer generation so quick to make up new labels by the day to claim to be a part of? And why do people just accept this as the new norm?
This all may seem like a crazy rant of some close-minded person who give no fucks about the LGBT community, and that’s where you’d be wrong. I accept gay, lesbian, bi, trans, etc. The ones who truly fit with that. I don’t honestly care what people choose to do in the bedroom, or what/who gets them off. I really have never understood why that’s such a discussion point. It’s no one’s business. But the gender confusion of this younger generation is a sickness, a terrible epidemic.
The reason I haven’t expressed my views sooner is because of my own internal frustration on the topic. I have tried over the last couple years to adjust and come to terms with it all. I have tried to relax and let it be. But the more I see of it, the more I can’t help but be frustrated by it. And it makes me feel like a bad person, a close-minded, unaccepting bitch. But I’ve finally decided that rather than fight myself on this, I am going to accept that this is how I think and feel about the topic, and if it costs me friendships and family members, so be it. This is who I am. Just like YOU are who you are. We can be friends, or not. The choice is yours.
PS I’m not looking for a discussion, a debate, scientific evidence that disproves my opinions, or for anyone to “enlighten” me or change my opinions. They are what they are. Take them or leave them.
Throughout my life I have involved myself in a few romantic relationships. Some seemed good at first and withered. Some were bad from the start but I settled anyway. Some were out of loneliness or desperation. Some were out of boredom and the desire for company. But ultimately, none of them worked out in the long run.
There’s that saying “someday someone will come along that will make you understand why it never worked out with anyone else.” I always wanted to believe that, but thought it to be a fantasy; an inspirational quote to keep people’s spirits up. Until it happened to me.
And now, now there’s this guy Jarrod, and he’s like no one I’ve ever met before. It started off very casually, working together and associating with each other only at work. But as time went on, we talked more and more during our shared shifts. We discovered through our conversations that we have been through a lot of the same troubles in relationships, parenting, just life in general. We discovered that we have the same beliefs on the big things, like religion and politics. We share a very similar parenting style, with a great love and appreciation for our children and family.
Then we started talking and spending time together outside of work once Jake and I split up, which is where things started to move very quickly. Days have blended together, nights have flown by, just talking and discussing our lives, and finding strong similarities at every turn, which is still continuing today. It was sudden, and crazy, but we know with absolute certainty that this will be forever. Kindred spirits, soul mates. There’s no denying it. The similarities, the comfort we find in one another, the deepest unexplainable connection we share. Being with him makes me realize why it never worked with anyone else, for real. No fantasy. And he feels the same way. It feels like we were born for each other.
We have had our children all spend time together which went well, as we both expected it to go. And we are moving quickly on moving in together. And the big news – we ran off to Colorado and got married on August 30th! Because face it, life is too short and unexpected things happen, and neither one of us wanted to waste time getting wrapped up in overthinking and hesitation over something we both know will certainly last the rest of our lifetime. We had a very private ceremony – only the 2 of us, and later on will throw a wedding for all of our friends and family… likely on our 1- or 2-year anniversary.
The trip was great! I had never been to Colorado, and Jarrod hadn’t been in many years. We drove there and back, and stayed in a beautiful bed and breakfast called Meadow Creek Mountain Lodge. It’s just southwest of Denver. The bed and breakfast had a hot tub, a heavenly king sized bed, and the owner was a pretty great guy too, and made a wonderful breakfast for us. We were able to run around Denver a bit and shop for our rings, and have supper there in Denver. Then we enjoyed alone time and slept in before we had to head back to Iowa.
We have both agreed to put this blog post out there for the public because we both know there will be people in our lives who will not understand why we would move so fast, or make such a crazy, bold, impulsive decision. We are both very aware that is what we are doing. But we are here to say that it is OUR decision to make, and we would love your support and understanding, whether or not you understand our reasoning. We are very thrilled with our decision, and don’t regret a thing!